Low sex drive in a relationship: practical help

Partners can have different levels of desire without either person being at fault. Desire may change with exhaustion, parenting or caring demands, conflict, grief, depression, anxiety, medicines, or changes in health. Pain or dryness linked with Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause can make intimacy feel difficult, while perimenopause and menopause may affect sleep, comfort, and mood.

A drop in desire does not prove that love or attraction has ended. It is useful to separate desire, arousal, comfort, affection, and relationship satisfaction, because each may need a different kind of support.

Choose a calm time to talk, using phrases such as “I have noticed a change and want us to understand it together.” Agree that affection does not create an obligation to have sex. Explore non-sexual closeness, private time, slower pacing, and ways to reduce pain or pressure. A doctor can review symptoms and medicines; couples counselling or sex therapy can support communication and consent.

Seek care when low desire causes distress, repeated conflict, painful sex, bleeding after sex, persistent sadness, anxiety, or withdrawal. Consider urgent help if there is coercion, fear, sexual violence, severe pelvic pain, or thoughts of self-harm. Each partner may seek confidential support.

Could pain, dryness, sleep, mood, or a medicine be contributing? What treatments could improve comfort? Would individual or couples counselling help? How can we discuss consent and mismatched desire without pressure?